Sunday at writing
This morning started too early. I think before 430am. This bothers me greatly. I would like more and better sleep and it’s way too easy to just blame the current living conditions because I think it pervades how I feel, what I think, how life seems to be. All of this is connected in mysterious and vast ways to being restless and unhappy at night here these days.
I think sometimes I need this basic change for a bit. A hotel to wake up in with a softer bed, a coffee shop within a short walk, the city also waking up and telling me it’s ready for whatever it is I want. Siem Reap is like that you know. It has a bit of everything. Some things I don’t want like hostess bars and expats that hang out there. Other things I may want. A place sometimes I used to go for breakfast often. I don’t do breakfast much except for the pancake excursion yesterday. Those are things I kinda think I would take. The just going to go. Finding and losing over a coffee at some river spot. Then I plot. Then come the bigger or smaller things. The walking in the mornings is the most important to me these days. It frames the rest of the day. If I’m tired, feeling that warm Cambodian sun, seeing blue skies and the warm day unfolding gives me this pleasure. This high. Sometimes a low. Because it is all life and life has both things. I can process both things but honestly I like the better more than the worse. These days I tend to want less of the things that bother me. Unfortunately I guess that means some people. I don’t know why that is but I figure it’s getting old. I read somewhere once that many old people start looking less for some kind of social fix and instead focus on the things they do. Maybe that’s me.
What I do know is living in Southeast Asia has meant this refocus. This restart of a life that was spent before in some kind of hell bent video game of destruction. Some brought on by me; others by people I wanted close to me at some point. Fortunately I did not have to just up with that bullshit. I really do not know why others do when they could just go. I look at America now and really wonder why anyone lives there in retirement years. If it were not here, I would have done more Mexico or Panama or Costa Rica. Why settle for a life where people could give a shit less about a person.
That’s a Sunday for ya
And next up is a walk somewhere to get a coffee. A reprieve from a restless sleeping night like so many other restless nights. I turned to the daily journal early and wrote some things about sleep and why or why not. I have no fucking clue other than things are all chained together in some mystical backlinks of life that keep pushing forward.
Meanwhile I just will write more when I find something down some dirt road that gives me another look at how the hot season is kicking in here. I will have to leave by 8am at the latest. I enjoy walking then. It will still be at about 30 which is nice walking time.
See you for coffee. I can understand if you don’t come along. I’m going. See you there maybe.
Summer coffee
Yeah again. Bear with me bearblog. It’s a nice walk. The WiFi is wonderful. The place all comfy chairs and I can watch. It makes doing nothing doing nothing in style.
I’m still kinda tired but the walk down a street and to another street got me to the edge of lethargy. Walking does that for me. No promises ever with it but when do what my body says “right” then life seems to move better. And that means maybe I will. No guarantees. I’m just a puny barang in a Khmer world. But I can find my moment. And it’s somewhere within reach. Just like the hot green tea and the iced americano.
